Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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