pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
