ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
