Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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