airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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