Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
