I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
