I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
