True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
