My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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