He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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