i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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