I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i've created a new STD.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
