I will die if light touches me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
