Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
