I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And my parents said I crawled through the house
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
