Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
