Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
