I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
