I am in a vortex of obligation.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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