I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
