i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
