i just google imaged poop.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
