The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
