a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
