I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
