DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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