the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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