In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
