She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
