I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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