i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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