i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
