Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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