There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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