Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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