Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
