I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My ass is underappreciated
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
