I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
