I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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