We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
