Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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