Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
