Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
