How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
