So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
