Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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