When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
