It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
