she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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