he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
