Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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