we have officially lost it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
