I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
