Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
