I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
