): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
