Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They took my balls.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
