She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
